5 years ago I moved from Los Angeles and gained my independence. I packed up my car, cursed at the rear view mirror and I put the petal to the floor. I was leaving behind not only my current relationship, but a life of imprisonment. A slave to my abusers and to my own fears. I left behind my partner who was extremely physically and mentally abusive and told myself I was never going to go back. To him or anyone who would ever hit, rape, or shame me. For years I was a victim of domestic violence, ending up in the hospital numerous times with broken bones and a broken soul. Everyone around knowing, but not saying anything. From the age of 15, after being cast out of my home, from one abuser to another these men took advantage of me in numerous ways. All of which were drastically older than I. For years I allowed this to consume my energy, youth, and life.
Never again. Never again because I have seen what real men are and how true friends treat each other. I have seen that a happy healthy life is possible and am living how I was always told was impossible. Anything is possible. The past 5 years I’ve spent building a foundation that was never there. Hours and hours of every type of therapy, self searching, and personal work. I spent years dealing with chronic depression, suicidal thoughts, self abuse and self doubt that needed to be reversed. And now, I can finally say, I’m doing ok. I’m not crippled with bouts of anxiety that leave me crying on the floor, or weeks of depression so deep I can barely get out of bed. And I’m happy, for the first time ever.
I’m writing this because I’m calling out my abusers, Justin James Lomery and Jose Daniel Villegas. You know what you have done to me, and countless others. What you did is not ok, and will not go un-judged. Your time is up. Be afraid.
I hope this gives strength, hope, courage, or even a glimmer of faith that it can get better, and there are good people in this world to who ever needs it. Life is too precious to waste.
If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship it may be hard to convince them that they are in danger. They will realize in time that they deserve better as it is hard to break the cycle. Hell it took me till the age of 30 before I could. Providing a shoulder and a safe space when needed can mean the difference in life and death in some cases.
Please find your inner strength and see your worth. You are beautiful and no matter what they say, you do not deserve to be abused.
For help contact:
*While exploring the one of the sites I noticed a safety exit button on the bottom of the screen. It takes you google search when you click on it incase you your abuser walks in or looks at your screen. When realizing the need for this and that they so intelligently thought of this I broke down and cried. I cried for all the times I had fear ripping through my insides every time I looked for help or answer. I cried because I remember what it feels like to be right back in that place. And mostly I cried because I know that there are so many out there that are living in fear and in need of help. Years later and I still crumble. I am strong yes, but I still have a lot of work to do. These wounds cut deeper than the bone. They have cut to the core of my soul.